12 Questions from You Have to Laugh
The (funny) team at You Have to Laugh have interviewed me. You can read all about squirrel-domination, fabulous females and Postman Pat below:
1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never ….. shouted, bribed or neglected my future (hypothetical) kids. Still, you live and learn. Sorry kids.
2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why? Lungs. Oh wait, you said a toy. Anything battery powered. The train his godmum gave him that spun in circles and played a tune was a low point. She’s now a mum so I intend to get my revenge.
3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke? I’ve been covered in both, but I’ve never had poo down my cleavage. Sadly I have had to pick chunks of puke out of my boobs. Grim.
4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss. Postman Pat is terrible, but often rescues wayward escaped cattle. Peppa has no such community spirit.
5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days? Post 6am is a blissful time to wake up now. Pre-child days I’d be on the nightbus on a tequila come-down at 6am. The good old days.
6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it? You know my love of bad language! I think wanker and bollocks are great, and uniquely British – the yanks can’t use them to such great effect. Asshole on the other hand only works stateside.
7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience. The dirty protest when he took his nappy off and swung it round his room was a terrible day, for both me and the walls. He even trod in it and footprinted it all round the house.
8) There is no electricity and won’t be for the next week. NONE. After eating the contents of the freezer (assuming you have a gas cooker) what the hell do you do with yourself? Did I mention tequila??
9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing? I’d drink better wine (at the moment I go for quantity not quality) and I’d go on luxury holidays in far-flung corners of the globe. And I’d hang out more with my excellent husband. He’s funny when he’s not knackered.
10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages? It would be really shit for anyone allergic to nuts.
11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? I’d get my grandpa round – I never met him. Barak Obama – what a legend, and hopefully he’d bring Michelle. Finally, Marie Curie, an amazing female scientist who has saved so many lives, directly and indirectly. She continues to inspire me. She also has some great advice: "Have no fear of perfection; you'll never reach it."
12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)? Not funny ha-ha, but funny as in EVERYONE who reads it suddenly has a light-bulb moment. She nails it. Pregnant Chicken on what you need to know about newborns. My most popular piece is on sleep, or lack of it – What happens before 7am: The secret life of parents.
Like these Qs? Post your own answers over at You Have to Laugh and circulate with the #YouHaveToLaugh tag